The day before surgery

As you can imagine it is very high anxiety and stress in this household today. The sutures that were just put in aren't holding (huge shocker). So surgery is our very last hope. I was talking to Jacob's nurse who is a strong believer in God and I was expressing my concern about the road we're headed down with him. I was saying that I hope God's plan is not to take Jacob away from us on Earth and she mumbled "yeah" you know like when you can't say much or you don't know what to say? Forgive me for being sensitive about this subject and that I'd pick up on that but it's true. Jacob's surgeon and our day nurse plus our family are all very concerned, I can measure the amount of hope and confidence they have in the success of this surgery in a shot glass. It is that bad. I'm not saying I'm not nervous, heck my stomach is in knots right now and I can't sit still. But I believe and trust in God. I'm not saying my faith is perfect, it's far from it but for some strange reason I seem to be the only one who is depending on God. That doesn't make me special or some shining star type person. I'm just as scared as everyone else but God has this, he's not going to let anyone fall. The feeling of hope and trust I have in God is infinite, there is no limit and I don't feel that everyone feels that way. I'm getting pulled in the wrong direction by many; my mom's friend's five year old son was just diagnosed with stage 4 bone cancer last week. Another one of my mom's friends daughter's three month old baby has a mass in her lungs; she goes to surgery in August to find out if it is cancerous or not. There is tragedy and loss everywhere and because of it my mom is beginning to question whether there is a God "walking the Earth." My mom's friends daughter who has the baby with a mass in her lungs stopped going to church because of what has happened. Seriously, what is happening to the world? When times are tough you do not run away from the Lord but you run towards him. Life at home right now is extremely stressful for everyone, it is not what I had in mind for summer vacation. Most days I don't bother to put makeup on because I know I will just wash it off with my tears. But in spite of what has occurred I will not run from God. He is my comfort/my rock through it all. People all around me are dropping their faith because something bad happened and I feel right in the middle of it. It's like the devil is screaming in my ear through other people that God is not there to help or that he won't help but I keep telling myself that it is all a lie.