Through this journey every day becomes more special than the last. Jacob had an okay day today, nothing much has changed. It has been a busy weekend with my family; I've been stepping in for mom since she's been working back to back 12 hour shifts. I was extremely tired last night, I had definitely reached what I thought to be my end point....children tire you out. But, then I thought about Jacob and the suffering he endures everyday. There is also a little girl who has stage 4 cancer that I write to and I think about her and how she's losing her battle very rapidly. Or, children who don't have loving parents and are abused every day. The fear they have walking around in their own home. So sure, I can be tired and overwhelmed but my family and friends were alive and well that day. I couldn't ask for more......
In essence, it is evidently very important that you understand how precious today truly is. As hard as it is to be on edge every second of everyday; not knowing how Jacob will respond; I can honestly say that this is the best way to live. Obviously not Jacob being so critical, but more so living in the moment. You see your life in a whole new light, I cannot write enough words to describe how much more meaningful life has become for me. The simplest things become the most beautiful and noteworthy.
This household just had a very different feel today. The heavy, dark, suffocating feeling has been lifted. God has a very strong presence here, much stronger than usual. And I can say it's always strong. So for me to say that is notable. I just feel in my heart that through all of the fear, restlessness, unknowing, sadness, and temptation to stray from God my family has been given a wonderful gift. I cannot do this blog post justice. Living in the moment with God next to me is.......is.......the most blessed, glorious, and plentiful way of life. I wouldn't want it any other way. Even though it is close to 1am I feel like the sun is shining down on me.
The smile I recieved from my dad on this father's day was priceless and it meant the world to me. That's what I mean, my father is alive and I got to spend all day with him and the rest of my loved ones. I mean really, there isn't anything else that could've made this day more memorable. Indeed there are things that I wish to have and things I wish to do but I know in this moment, that is not what counts. I will be in that time of my life soon enough. In this moment right now, as you read this text I can tell you that if I were to die tomorrow, I would be more content than I was yesterday. Every day is a new chance to improve and live life even more abounding. Without fail, regardless of the circumstances that day, it's still a good day for what/who I have been blessed with. I like to call it "severe optimism."
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