Today is a wonderful day! Saturday is always a cleaning and grocery shopping day for me. The apartment is clean, some of my grocery shopping is done, and dinner is in the crockpot. I am going at my own pace today without any schedule or anyone to tell me what I have to do.
I also wanted to share this: I have no problem being single, I like it. But for the past 2 weeks (especially this week) I have had an extremely hard time with it and a hard time acknowledging it. It's just, with the next moment being knowingly unpredictable for my brother I don't want to waste it thinking about loneliness. That's no fun! Once I did though, I felt so sad inside it was unreal.
Long story short, I had been praying for a break in this sadness and boy did I get it and I never expected it! This guy (whom I've never met) approached me from behind, asked me for the time (didn't know guys still did that haha) and started talking to me. But the questions he asked were not all of the typical ice breaker questions. I then learned his name, shook his hand and went off to class. I didn't have one of those gut-wrenching feelings that tells me he's dangerous (power of a girl's intuition). I had an overwhelming feeling of peace~ God's grace. It just felt like that was God saying 'I know you feel sad and I know who is on your heart. It is okay and I am here for you child. Don't be sad for great things are coming soon.' It was exactly what I needed at that moment and I didn't even know it. I see it as nothing less than one of those random but beautiful gifts from God.
So on to more serious news:
In order for you to understand what has happened you need a little background information first. Jacob spent a lot of time in the PICU, his first two and a half years of life. This particular unit did not enforce eating by mouth and so Jacob developed what they call an aversion. He never had anything going into his mouth so he was never able to experience different flavors/textures of foods. When this happens, you develop a resistance towards any food. It is a critical skill that babies need to learn and use. Learning it when older is significantly more challenging. That being said, we need to get him to eat so his NJ tube can come out. Currently, he's not eating enough by mouth to suffice for a daily intake of nutrients. But f he could eat on his own (by mouth) there would be no such thing as a feeding tube anymore!
But there's a problem…kind of a big one really.
Every time Jacob takes food into his mouth nowadays, he has an asthma attack. I know that sounds questioning, as it does to all of us but let me try to explain. Again, when he was younger he had a condition known as tracheomalasia. This is when a person has a floppy airway; it's not stable. Back when this was a problem, we had to change his trach within about 5 seconds (roughly) or his airway would close off. Once that airway closes off, the piece of skin that is "floppy" blocks any entrance into the trachea. It has happened before and it is very scary. So when he eats and it causes him to have difficulty breathing, that's a huge cause for concern. Structurally, something is I suppose you could say, not right. There is a chance that it could be a bout of pneumonia. However, he is not acting sick. Apparently, he's very happy, active, and mischievous as all 4 year olds are.
So, in February he will go for a bronch study. If you do not know what that is, it is a tube with a camera, that goes down the trachea and into the lungs. It will give the doctor a good look at everything structurally/internally.
We will have to wait and see what happens with that…
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