I think it is about time that I start acknowledging the readers of this blog. As a personal note from me to you, I want this blog's purpose to serve as a place for giving glory and thanks to God. No matter what happens in a given week, with trust in God, you and I will always be okay.
If you're reading this blog, and you feel bad for my family then I am not doing this correctly. I don't want you to feel sadness, I want you to feel joy for the life you have and know that I praise the Lord for the life I have. Preserving Life started out as something I shared with my Facebook friends and family. But it has grown much bigger. For me, being only a college student who has no idea where she's going in life…to have 13 countries regularly view this blog is amazing to me. This is not a blog to share my struggles and highlight my strengths. Nor is it a place to put forth my faults. It is to inspire you to have hope and faith in Jesus Christ. For life is a glorious journey when you walk with the Lord…
Ephesians 2:8~ http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+2%3A8&version=NIV
With that, I hope everyone has a richly blessed and joyous week!
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Saturday, January 25, 2014
A Little Bit of Everything
Today is a wonderful day! Saturday is always a cleaning and grocery shopping day for me. The apartment is clean, some of my grocery shopping is done, and dinner is in the crockpot. I am going at my own pace today without any schedule or anyone to tell me what I have to do.
I also wanted to share this: I have no problem being single, I like it. But for the past 2 weeks (especially this week) I have had an extremely hard time with it and a hard time acknowledging it. It's just, with the next moment being knowingly unpredictable for my brother I don't want to waste it thinking about loneliness. That's no fun! Once I did though, I felt so sad inside it was unreal.
Long story short, I had been praying for a break in this sadness and boy did I get it and I never expected it! This guy (whom I've never met) approached me from behind, asked me for the time (didn't know guys still did that haha) and started talking to me. But the questions he asked were not all of the typical ice breaker questions. I then learned his name, shook his hand and went off to class. I didn't have one of those gut-wrenching feelings that tells me he's dangerous (power of a girl's intuition). I had an overwhelming feeling of peace~ God's grace. It just felt like that was God saying 'I know you feel sad and I know who is on your heart. It is okay and I am here for you child. Don't be sad for great things are coming soon.' It was exactly what I needed at that moment and I didn't even know it. I see it as nothing less than one of those random but beautiful gifts from God.
So on to more serious news:
In order for you to understand what has happened you need a little background information first. Jacob spent a lot of time in the PICU, his first two and a half years of life. This particular unit did not enforce eating by mouth and so Jacob developed what they call an aversion. He never had anything going into his mouth so he was never able to experience different flavors/textures of foods. When this happens, you develop a resistance towards any food. It is a critical skill that babies need to learn and use. Learning it when older is significantly more challenging. That being said, we need to get him to eat so his NJ tube can come out. Currently, he's not eating enough by mouth to suffice for a daily intake of nutrients. But f he could eat on his own (by mouth) there would be no such thing as a feeding tube anymore!
But there's a problem…kind of a big one really.
Every time Jacob takes food into his mouth nowadays, he has an asthma attack. I know that sounds questioning, as it does to all of us but let me try to explain. Again, when he was younger he had a condition known as tracheomalasia. This is when a person has a floppy airway; it's not stable. Back when this was a problem, we had to change his trach within about 5 seconds (roughly) or his airway would close off. Once that airway closes off, the piece of skin that is "floppy" blocks any entrance into the trachea. It has happened before and it is very scary. So when he eats and it causes him to have difficulty breathing, that's a huge cause for concern. Structurally, something is I suppose you could say, not right. There is a chance that it could be a bout of pneumonia. However, he is not acting sick. Apparently, he's very happy, active, and mischievous as all 4 year olds are.
So, in February he will go for a bronch study. If you do not know what that is, it is a tube with a camera, that goes down the trachea and into the lungs. It will give the doctor a good look at everything structurally/internally.
We will have to wait and see what happens with that…
I also wanted to share this: I have no problem being single, I like it. But for the past 2 weeks (especially this week) I have had an extremely hard time with it and a hard time acknowledging it. It's just, with the next moment being knowingly unpredictable for my brother I don't want to waste it thinking about loneliness. That's no fun! Once I did though, I felt so sad inside it was unreal.
Long story short, I had been praying for a break in this sadness and boy did I get it and I never expected it! This guy (whom I've never met) approached me from behind, asked me for the time (didn't know guys still did that haha) and started talking to me. But the questions he asked were not all of the typical ice breaker questions. I then learned his name, shook his hand and went off to class. I didn't have one of those gut-wrenching feelings that tells me he's dangerous (power of a girl's intuition). I had an overwhelming feeling of peace~ God's grace. It just felt like that was God saying 'I know you feel sad and I know who is on your heart. It is okay and I am here for you child. Don't be sad for great things are coming soon.' It was exactly what I needed at that moment and I didn't even know it. I see it as nothing less than one of those random but beautiful gifts from God.
So on to more serious news:
In order for you to understand what has happened you need a little background information first. Jacob spent a lot of time in the PICU, his first two and a half years of life. This particular unit did not enforce eating by mouth and so Jacob developed what they call an aversion. He never had anything going into his mouth so he was never able to experience different flavors/textures of foods. When this happens, you develop a resistance towards any food. It is a critical skill that babies need to learn and use. Learning it when older is significantly more challenging. That being said, we need to get him to eat so his NJ tube can come out. Currently, he's not eating enough by mouth to suffice for a daily intake of nutrients. But f he could eat on his own (by mouth) there would be no such thing as a feeding tube anymore!
But there's a problem…kind of a big one really.
Every time Jacob takes food into his mouth nowadays, he has an asthma attack. I know that sounds questioning, as it does to all of us but let me try to explain. Again, when he was younger he had a condition known as tracheomalasia. This is when a person has a floppy airway; it's not stable. Back when this was a problem, we had to change his trach within about 5 seconds (roughly) or his airway would close off. Once that airway closes off, the piece of skin that is "floppy" blocks any entrance into the trachea. It has happened before and it is very scary. So when he eats and it causes him to have difficulty breathing, that's a huge cause for concern. Structurally, something is I suppose you could say, not right. There is a chance that it could be a bout of pneumonia. However, he is not acting sick. Apparently, he's very happy, active, and mischievous as all 4 year olds are.
So, in February he will go for a bronch study. If you do not know what that is, it is a tube with a camera, that goes down the trachea and into the lungs. It will give the doctor a good look at everything structurally/internally.
We will have to wait and see what happens with that…
Friday, January 17, 2014
Clarification
Explaining the surgery; attempt 2:
When someone has a mic-key button or a g tube that goes into the stomach directly, a type of cone-shaped device is placed with it. Since the tube is being placed into the stomach to feed, there has to be a way to block the tube feeding/nutrients from going into the intestines. If anything were to leak, it would cause a life threatening infection.
In relevant terms, the stomach and the abdominal wall is what was fused together. Not the stomach and the abdominal cavity. The normalcy for you and I would be to have the stomach and abdominal wall separated. Since his is not, the surgeon went in and stapled his actual stomach by folding it over to create a definite division between the stomach and the abdominal wall. Then the surgeon went ahead and stapled the actual hole closed. As the picture below shows, there is still a definitive abdominal wall. As well as, the lining of the stomach. It's clear to see the separation. With Jacob, those became one.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
From My Heart to His
~A few nights ago while I was praying, I started writing and this was the result:
My Dear Little Brother
My dear little brother,
How do we even compare?
You were born with a love of God,
So whole-hearted and true
It’s a faith you keep to yourself
But spreads to the many souls who think of you
To me I’d think
This is no life for a boy
Though you assure me,
You are full of joy.
You show me never to question,
The work of our great God
So here I am
My dear little brother
Loving you a thousand miles away
Knowing that the God above,
Is watching out for you everyday
It gives me great comfort
For your surgery day
You’ve taught me well
My dear little brother
That this love He has
Will never go away
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Post Surgery
Let me start out with the positives:
1. My brother is home and not stuck in the hospital.
2. His hole is closed.
The surgery he had today was much more complicated than everyone ((including the surgeon) had anticipated. It took longer than expected because they did more than they had originally planned on. Since I am not home and I received the "short" explanation I don't really understand what they did. My parents tried to explain over the phone but something this complicated makes very little sense. So I am going to try my best to make this make sense.
Basically, instead of stitching the hole closed, they had to staple it closed. Not only did they staple the skin layers together, but the surgeon stapled the inside of his body. Now this is were it gets tricky to explain. The reasoning for this is because my brother apparently has no separation between his stomach and abdomen. I always thought when referencing the abdomen that it was just a general name for the abdominal cavity…apparently not? All I can say is that his stomach was attached to *something* which is what caused this hole….again I'm lost so I'm sure the rest of you are as well. Deepest apologies, really. I will be sure to clarify this whenever I am able to talk to my family again.
This wouldn't have caused the issues he has been having for the past year and a half but it should solve problems that would've occurred in the future. Again, as I always mention, there are no guarantees for the success of this surgery. It is truly a day by day process. That of course means that there is always a chance for the surgery not to be successful. And it saddens me greatly that there is nothing more that can be done if this surgery doesn't work. Sometimes that happens….a wound won't heal; despite all effort and that is just God-given. Though right now, the focus is that the hole is closed and he is smiling like he always does. Our surgeon went above and beyond to help this little boy so all we can do is pray that her efforts were meant to be successful.
1. My brother is home and not stuck in the hospital.
2. His hole is closed.
The surgery he had today was much more complicated than everyone ((including the surgeon) had anticipated. It took longer than expected because they did more than they had originally planned on. Since I am not home and I received the "short" explanation I don't really understand what they did. My parents tried to explain over the phone but something this complicated makes very little sense. So I am going to try my best to make this make sense.
Basically, instead of stitching the hole closed, they had to staple it closed. Not only did they staple the skin layers together, but the surgeon stapled the inside of his body. Now this is were it gets tricky to explain. The reasoning for this is because my brother apparently has no separation between his stomach and abdomen. I always thought when referencing the abdomen that it was just a general name for the abdominal cavity…apparently not? All I can say is that his stomach was attached to *something* which is what caused this hole….again I'm lost so I'm sure the rest of you are as well. Deepest apologies, really. I will be sure to clarify this whenever I am able to talk to my family again.
This wouldn't have caused the issues he has been having for the past year and a half but it should solve problems that would've occurred in the future. Again, as I always mention, there are no guarantees for the success of this surgery. It is truly a day by day process. That of course means that there is always a chance for the surgery not to be successful. And it saddens me greatly that there is nothing more that can be done if this surgery doesn't work. Sometimes that happens….a wound won't heal; despite all effort and that is just God-given. Though right now, the focus is that the hole is closed and he is smiling like he always does. Our surgeon went above and beyond to help this little boy so all we can do is pray that her efforts were meant to be successful.
Monday, January 13, 2014
My Fault! Sorry Everyone
To avoid any confusion, I want to tell you all that there was a post that was put up last night. However, I decided to take it down. It was a poem for my brother, as he is going back into surgery tomorrow (Tuesday). My apologies for the confusion. Any questions or concerns, feel free to email me.
Hope everyone is having a wonderful Monday and enjoys the week!
~Celeste Anne
Hope everyone is having a wonderful Monday and enjoys the week!
~Celeste Anne
Friday, January 10, 2014
Stop Looking and Just Enjoy. You're Awesome.
I wish people would stop looking and just enjoy. In other terms, stop looking for the "one" and enjoy the life around them. Do you really think that someone who is meant to come into your life won't come into your life because you weren't looking for them? You have to trust that if God wants it to happen, then it will happen! I'm not exactly sure if this is correct or not but it's how I see it. If you imagined looking from God's perspective (which we really can't do) and you see yourself looking in every direction but His….how would that make Him feel? And how would that hinder your trust in Him? There you are, looking for that special someone and here's God handing you SO MUCH MORE plus that special someone (in good time). I mean really, is there really any comparison there?
We are all very small in the grand scheme of things. We individually, cannot find the cure for cancer, we cannot save a falling government, we cannot stop war, hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, you get the idea. We have very little control over events that happen in our lives. So why not heavily focus on the things we do have control over? How about, how we choose to live our day-to-day lives.
These are choices we make every day:
~ Who we want to love
~ Who we want to turn our backs to
~How much we want to involve God in our life that day
~ How we want to feel; happy, enraged, hopeful, depressed…
~What we want to accomplish
If you feel satisfied constantly focusing on something you're not in arms reach of, then by all means, continue. But I imagine that the bulk of people are not. I know I'm not. So don't spend all of your time looking for someone to date just for the sake of dating. You have a lot more to contribute to this world and much more self worth than to wrap your mind around those consuming thoughts of loneliness. It makes me incredibly sad to see people out there, who feel they are less because they don't have a significant other by their side.
We are all very small in the grand scheme of things. We individually, cannot find the cure for cancer, we cannot save a falling government, we cannot stop war, hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, you get the idea. We have very little control over events that happen in our lives. So why not heavily focus on the things we do have control over? How about, how we choose to live our day-to-day lives.
These are choices we make every day:
~ Who we want to love
~ Who we want to turn our backs to
~How much we want to involve God in our life that day
~ How we want to feel; happy, enraged, hopeful, depressed…
~What we want to accomplish
If you feel satisfied constantly focusing on something you're not in arms reach of, then by all means, continue. But I imagine that the bulk of people are not. I know I'm not. So don't spend all of your time looking for someone to date just for the sake of dating. You have a lot more to contribute to this world and much more self worth than to wrap your mind around those consuming thoughts of loneliness. It makes me incredibly sad to see people out there, who feel they are less because they don't have a significant other by their side.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Disappointed
Everyone is talking about the new year and rightfully so because it is New Years Day. But what gets me, and I know it's because of what happened last year, is that people are entirely focused on what is going to happen in 2014. The unexpected can happen any moment of any day and you're only the first day into it. Though, that's not to be confused with New Years resolutions, I have several myself. But I'm not looking to the new year. As far as I'm concerned, it's just a year. People have enough to figure out today. They shouldn't even be worrying about tomorrow yet. So why would they worry about the coming year? From my perspective, there are 364 days left. If anyone thinks they can control all 364 days, they are dead wrong. Make goals but don't let them overtake what truly matters in life. And I say this for the reason I always say it….
Jacob had a very severe Asthma attack the night before New Years Eve. It came on suddenly and nobody expected it. He hasn't had respiratory difficulties like this for a very long time. Even with his BiPAP machine and his oxygen levels turned to the highest setting on his concentrator, he still could not breathe well on his own. As I've mentioned, typically stable oxygen saturation is 92-100. He was barely holding 87. And that was with help from his machines.
In addition, with the previous post, I talked about infection. After his respiratory infection was gone, his incision site became infected. He was put on an antibiotic but my parents didn't think it was working. They took him back to the hospital yesterday and a different doctor (his main one is on vacation) said it looked great. Today, he has an open hole on his incision site no bigger than a pencil eraser. But a hole, nonetheless and it will not heal by itself. That said, the concept of the new year really doesn't mean much to me; the next hour, yes. As long as I have God by my side, I should not fear anything coming my way. Which is why I really haven't given a whole lot of thought to 2014. I'm just looking to get through today.
Jacob had a very severe Asthma attack the night before New Years Eve. It came on suddenly and nobody expected it. He hasn't had respiratory difficulties like this for a very long time. Even with his BiPAP machine and his oxygen levels turned to the highest setting on his concentrator, he still could not breathe well on his own. As I've mentioned, typically stable oxygen saturation is 92-100. He was barely holding 87. And that was with help from his machines.
In addition, with the previous post, I talked about infection. After his respiratory infection was gone, his incision site became infected. He was put on an antibiotic but my parents didn't think it was working. They took him back to the hospital yesterday and a different doctor (his main one is on vacation) said it looked great. Today, he has an open hole on his incision site no bigger than a pencil eraser. But a hole, nonetheless and it will not heal by itself. That said, the concept of the new year really doesn't mean much to me; the next hour, yes. As long as I have God by my side, I should not fear anything coming my way. Which is why I really haven't given a whole lot of thought to 2014. I'm just looking to get through today.
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