Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Since Jacob is doing so well today I decided to take a break from the hospitalization stress/anxiety and post about something that has been on my heart for a while.

Am I jealous? If I have to ask myself then the answer is probably yes. Everyone calls this girl sweet, nice, and blah blah blah. But I'm telling you there is something about her that makes my stomach turn. I don't trust her and I don't know why. I think part of it has to do with the fact that she will post pictures of special needs children and praise them for doing a task. Now I know, that probably sounds insane; why would that be bad right? Well let me tell you.

She praises the action but she's not posting it to show the accomplishment of a child, no she makes it very clear that she is showing the accomplishment of a child who otherwise wouldn't be able to complete such a task. It is not just her, there are plenty of other people that share posts like these on Facebook but it was a personal example that bothered me more than the others. THEY JUST WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE AND GIVEN THE ATTENTION OF ANY OTHER PERSON.......what is so darn hard to grasp about that?! Sorry, I had to vent that out. My family and I don't appreciate it when people come up to one of my brothers, notice they are "different" and give them special attention. It truly is as simple as offering them a sticker and no other kids around get one or giving them a special balloon that nobody else gets....do you see a pattern here? Sure for a few seconds they may be excited but after the initial excitement passes the question "Why do I get it and nobody else does?" comes up. I mean, how do I tell my brother that people don't see him as an average child. Any physical difference represents unfamiliarity in other's eyes and they aren't sure how to react. How do I tell my brothers that most people don't look past their physical differences? That is what you are saying when you post a picture on Facebook of someone with special needs doing a task that any other person can complete. You praise them for doing it as you would any other child, you don't praise them for completing it because of their limitation.

It honestly disgusts me and I do get very offended by such posts. This is the part of my world that I don't think all people are exposed to. Another example of this is we had our priest at our house a few days ago to pray the Prayer of the Sick for Jacob and he like all, told us that what our family does is amazing. That taking on children like this requires a big heart and that we are all special. Okay let me start out by saying absolutely not! We don't like to hear this, we consider these boys part of the family and children. Not 'children like these.' With that said, I do not personally blame anyone who says this. It's simply the lack of experience. Before my brothers came along I was in the exact same spot as everyone else. Only after they were part of my life did I begin to see that they are just people and want nothing more than to be treated like nothing is wrong and in my eyes, there is nothing wrong. The medical diagnoses received are nothing but a bump in the road for them. They can still do everything any other child can, only in a moderated or alternated way. Or, what I like to say: in varied ways.

There is an AMAZING group I am a part of on Facebook called Sibteen. They are my support group through it all. We post all of the time about things we see on TV or on Facebook that we find offensive.  I could write an entire essay on the word "retarded" and why it is not to be used but I don't have that kind of time. Nor do I believe anyone wants to read through it all. The reason I'm bringing this up is because one of the girls just posted about the show "Glee" and how one of the characters blamed her snobby behavior and hateful comments by saying "Sorry Aspergers." That's only one example and that I would argue as offensive and should be edited. I don't care how simple it is, I am a firm believer in equality and society most certainly doesn't treat disabilities as equal. This is where child advocacy begins; my path to fighting for the rights of children who want nothing more than to be equal. You can debate all you want about how society accepts all people (you're entitled to your own opinions) but I beg to differ. Jacob knows he can't walk; he's felt his legs and seen them not move; he's touched his trac and touched my neck to see if I had one; he is cognitively aware of it all. One afternoon we took him to practice steering his motorized wheelchair and a lady came up to him very bluntly and said "You poor dear, what's wrong with you?" Now before you jump to conclusions and say I'm overreacting like many others had stated.....

I want you to imagine yourself paralyzed, in a wheelchair unable to move. Imagine what it would be like looking at everyone around you who are standing and moving their legs. You look down and nothing happens. Perhaps you catch a stranger or two, adult or child staring and you're then reminded of the separation people put between you and them. Maybe that didn't make you feel bad, maybe you quickly got over that. That's fine, but from the corner of your eye you see an older woman approaching you. She isn't smiling at you, she's frowning and looks as if she feels sorry for you. Her eyebrows furrow meeting the middle as one, the corner of her mouth turn down, and she walks towards you with arms outstretched. Just when you recognize her emotions she says (like she said to my four year old brother) "You poor dear, what is wrong with you?" Now I really want you to think about this, wouldn't your first response be 'there's nothing wrong with me.' Wouldn't you want to tell this woman that sure you may not be able to walk but you are still as capable as anyone else who can walk; that you contribute just as much to the world as everyone else. Yes, I believe that is what you would want to tell her as my little brother was thinking in his head based on his nonverbal response. Being physically disabled....oh how I cringe at using that word...being physically limited doesn't mean you're cognitively delayed. This is something even the school systems don't recognize. They thought my two brothers who cannot walk by themselves were cognitively disabled which isn't true. Some people only need to see one limitation before their entire outlook for this child is altered. It's not just my brothers I've seen this happen to either. All in all, what I hope you can take away from this post is that words hurt and actions speak louder than words. Don't assume someone doesn't understand you're noticing a limitation. The fact is, they are used to it which is a terrible reality to admit. That is something I hope to change for the future.....I don't want these children to have to accept that people will look at them differently. Sure that is a tall order to fill but even changing a few people's perspective is all I need. It is one less person in their eyes and one person can make all of the difference.

~~~~It is not my intention for this to sound mean, I want you to be exposed to the other side, a new perspective in hopes that you will increase your awareness of others around you and that they have feelings too.