Now let me give you an introduction to what has aggravated my emotions to a higher, more denounced level. When calamity strikes your first reaction should be to seek God. For he is your saviour and will never leave you. God is the one who will give you peace in the middle of your raging storm. So when you feel his unconditional, embracing love you need to know that no matter what happens God will be there. That's the thought I had running through my mind all weekend. But then I received a phone call. It was from a victim if you will, who had been subject to something very evil. All I had to hear was 'If anyone wants to adopt a medically complex child I will tell them no. It's not worth it." That's all I had to flipping hear to send me off the deep end. Honestly, in my heart I don't believe that the person who said this really said it.
Let me clarify: In stressful times are ability to reason and filter so to speak, what we say is hindered. If any part of us is hurting, that serves as a weak point. That weak point is evil's open door. When we try to solve a problem by ourselves without seeking God we find ourselves in the pit of despair. It's not that God won't rescue us, of course He will....if we are willing to be. So when you're upset you are upset with God; naturally at some point everyone is. That's where our lack of judgment and filtering comes into play. It's us at a worn down and torn about state. We have been exercised of all our recourses that we think we have. Sometimes for some people (not all) God can take a back seat. With that said, I know this person is overly stressed. Even if it was just for that statement, evil had the upper hand. Just as it is trying to gain with me.
But that still doesn't justify what was said. To know that they are at such a vulnerable state that their lips can purse such words is terrifying. I didn't know this bothered me so much. But last night when I was laying in bed, I felt extremely unsettled. When the world around me is bothering me to the point where I cannot focus on what is important like, God, family, and the fate of my soul, that usually tells me that I need to go pray a rosary. And that is exactly what I did last night. But everything was different, getting through a rosary became a major challenge. At first I felt safe, I felt God's presence but then I felt a weary, sinister type atmosphere which provided the opposite of comfort. Hopefully it's evident where I'm going with What and Who that was so I'm not going to elaborate. I don't get that all of the time, I get that when pure evil is near. The situation that occurred on Friday is evil. The thoughts and stress it causes for the ones I love is also a source of depravity.
You can count on after I post this blog that I will be sitting in my apartment saying the rosary continuously. That for me, is my defense. Of course it's not my only one but it is the one most personal to me as an individual. I find that the rosary is how me and God connect; more so, than just talking to him. So with that, I have no doubt in my mind that God is right here next to me. It's said if you offer your suffering/fear up for the souls in Purgatory, you will save souls.
~~~~~~~~~
Heard this a few minutes ago doing homework....I thought it was a perfect addition to this post:
No comments:
Post a Comment