Transition to adulthood

I encourage a happy life and stress the importance of family, yet here I am far away from my family. I'm feeling down tonight..well really it's been the last few days. I had a job interview this past week which got me thinking I should apply to more jobs. I just felt like God was telling me I should keep trying. I know my dreams, desires, and ambitions.

God also has instilled great confidence in me that I am on the right path (for now). That being said, the main source for my sadness is I can't have a job here in Charlotte and still go home to my family for the holidays. The more opportunities God puts in from of me, the more I have to tell my family I won't be coming…..

It just broke me because I had a very serious conversation on the pone with my parents about this. My mom was sad and she doesn't get sad that often, she's always the one telling me to get over myself (with good reason) but not this time. Both my parents told me to "do what I have to do." Well, what does that mean? It's being said in a quiet, melancholy tone so do I skip the job and go home? Or, do I actually do what I have to do? I'm telling you, this adult life is a great challenge.

I know God is going to take care of it all and there should be nothing to worry about. But indeed one of my flaws, I am worried. I've never spent a holiday alone. I don't even like being in Disney alone! Spending Christmas and Thanksgiving without the ones who mean the world to me? They aren't going to be around forever….

It's almost confirmed that I won't be going home for the summer and if I'm actually working, I won't be home for Spring Break or Easter either. This sounds like a bunch of guilt and regret seeping through the seams of a tied up heart. Yes to guilt but not to regret. If I tell the ones close to me in Charlotte, I know many will interpret it as in I want out of Charlotte. And that is absolutely not the case. I just happen to be in the part of the country where family is above all else; they actually have family day on Sunday. You eat big meals together and see extended family….what is that? It's new to me. The significance of all of this is simply just that the more involved I get in life down in Charlotte, the less time I get to spend at home. Is that really how it's supposed to be? God teaches me the importance of loved ones and how to live in the moment yet, I am not to be with them for very long? I don't understand. In fact, this entire blog post is a nightly prayer for me.

My family and friends are alive and well so what have I to complain about? I keep telling myself everything is going to work out just beautifully, as it always does with God at the center of it. But I cannot hold it in anymore, I'm still nervous.