Accepting your wish is basically accepting the fatality of your disease.

I dread this week.... It has never been more real than this, because this is the week that I have to meet with all of my professors and tell them your time left with us is uncertain. That any day your illness could take you from us. Tell me brother, how am I ever going to muster up the strength to do that? To look each one of them in the eye without breaking down? I don't think I can... It is a moment demanding that I give into the reality of your prognosis. And having family and doctors encouraging me to actually tell people, that makes it more of a reality than ever.

I can't hide behind the maybe's or the other treatment options. I can't think about whether we will have another Christmas with you.... Or your birthday...  Asking God for another year with you seems like an impossible request at best. The mere thought that doctors don't know how to save you... Tell me dear brother, how am I supposed to walk through life so peacefully, knowing your miracle may not come? At least, not the one on Earth.

The day mom and dad brought you into my life, was the moment it would change forever. You have impacted every fiber of my being it seems. I have spent many nights crying during your hospital stays but those times of sadness and uncertainty were also opportunities of growth for my spirit. It has strengthened my desire to give love instead of receive it. To try and show my God's great love in everything I do...

Some days are better than others, the busier I stay the more helpful it is. But these moments of being alone and in quiet are what harbor the weakness. To hear the quiet and stiffness of mom and dad's voice on the phone when I ask "how long?" is one of the most unsettling feelings in the pit of my stomach that I think I have ever experienced.You have shown me what unconditional love truly is, what it means to live solely by faith, and to be happy just because we are here another day. I love you my dear brother, and I am asking you to hold on as long as you can. I selfishly would ask for another year with you but I know that it is not mine for deciding. I have to be thankful He gave us today with you.